How To Leave Your Yacht Out Of A TechCrunch Story

Having your yacht mentioned in a TechCrunch article can be alarming. Follow a few simple guidelines, and maybe you can avoid this.

Instructions things you'll need:      * Yacht     * Guests     * TechCrunch     * Story     1.           * 1              Avoid inviting people who will talk about being on your yacht. Do they tweet? Do they have friends? These are some warning signs.           * 2              Invite TechCrunch writers. If they've been on your yacht, they may feel special and not write about it.           * 3              Don't invite TechCrunch writers. Once they see your yacht, they'll probably feel they should write about it. It's a yacht, after all.           * 4              Enable a cone of silence. If you don't have one, as they haven't been invented, tell visitors to your yacht that you're beta testing one from a new company called "Cone" that has received $40 million in investment. They might believe it and not talk about your yacht.           * 5              Have two yachts. That way, if someone does talk about your yacht, there will be confusion about which one.           * 6              Avoid actually owning the yacht. Surely you can establish a shell company that sails your yacht to exotic destinations like Moffett Filed for you?           * 7              Sink the yacht, so there's no proof it exists. Incorporate the sinking into a magic act, if possible.           * 8              Invite Arianna on your yacht.            * 9              Invite Tim on your yacht.           * 10              Offer to cut Mike's three year sentence to a year and a half.           * 11              Threaten that the TechCrunch writer will suffer mysteriously if they write about your yacht. If they ask for details, merely say "Engadget" and nod in a knowing manner.

Related Topics: Channel: Consumer | Search & Society: April Fool's


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  • Michael Arrington

    brilliant. subtle genius in post format.

  • Andrew Duszczyszyn

    now if i can only get my hands on a yacht….

  • Todd Malicoat

    note to Rich – spend more money on the “cone of silence” project.
    a remix of ‘i’m on a boat’
    should put a positive spin on the story.

    Is this posted in an image so it doesn’t get indexed?

    all i can say is wow….”the adsense”

  • Loris Guignard

    Why the whole post is an uncrawlable image on a SEO website is something I cannot understand (and we’re not april 1st yet on the publication date)

  • Paul Sullivan

    These instructions notwithstanding, I was planning to crowdsource purchase Tiger Woods’ yacht which is for sale for $25 Million using Kickstarter.

    At the dollar level, you’ll get a pirated digital photo of the boat scraped from the TMZ site. At the five dollar level, you’ll get an mp3 file of the sound of the waves lapping the hull of the boat. And at the hundred dollar level, you’ll get an invitation to view the boat from the nearest dock or shoreline (travel not included). Who’s with me?

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