How To Dress Like An SEO For Halloween

In the spirit of Halloween, I thought I’d write a guide for Creating an SEO Costume for October 31^st just for fun. Most likely, you already have all of the elements in your closet. Like many industries, we share a common look, and the following is an admittedly broad brush stroke composite of SEO people I’ve come to know.  I have described “SEO Costume – Male” here, which may suggest I think of this as a male dominated industry. Nothing could be further from the truth – some of the best people I’ve known in the industry are women; however, I’ve never really understood anything about your gender, especially fashion and accessories. Any conclusions I’d draw would read like and English to Farsi to English translation. Perhaps someone (Lisa Barone?) can help me write “SEO Costume – Female” next year.

Hair

While you used to sport the tussled hipster look, your hairline is now receding like the equity in your San Jose condo, so you’ve opted for the Mr. Clean cut.

Phone

While you considered an Android powered phone, you have the updated iPhone 4 instead b/c you really need all those apps.

Facial Hair

Inexplicably small patch of facial hair.  This can be a soul patch, underdeveloped sideburns, or a beard that looks like it needs some fertilizer. Check here for more on bald, facial haired SEOs.

Car Keys

You drive something uncomfortably small like a Prius or Vespa. You are secretly holding out for your company’s acquisition (you no longer say “IPO” although you think it every day) to buy the new Tesla. You usually bike to work anyway, on a customized carbon fiber Kestral that cost more than your Le Car.

Glasses

Thick rimmed hipster glasses.

Cigarettes

You attend so many conferences you have become a social smoker like you were in college. Although now you eschew mainstream brands in favor of American Spirit or those nasty cherry flavored baby cigars.

Bag

Tattered Timbuk2 messenger bag you got many years ago at the company holiday party complete with embroidered corporate logo. Ideally, said logo is either Google or a now defunct Web 1.0 failure – Kozmo or Pets.com anyone? The bag’s worn state signals to your coworkers that you have been in the game for a long time.

In The Bag

A work issued Dell laptop (you long for the mac you had as an independent consultant), non work-issued iPad, three charging cables and the badge from the search conference you attended last month. You will eventually hang this on your cube wall to remind your coworkers about search.

Top

I-might-not-be-straight-shirt, a vestige of your hipster past. Alternatively, you sport a coveted Google Dance t-shirt when you really want to impress the old guard.

Watch

See “Phone”.

Shoes

Although the only skateboard in your house is owned by your kids, you still wear Vans, albeit the “dressy” version. You also have a pair of Samba Classics in your closet at home. (That’s Matt Cutts hiding behind the laptop by the way.)

So if you feel like dressing like an SEO this Halloween, I hope this guide was useful. Just remember there are plenty of people pretending to be SEOs during the rest of the year – and they can be truly scary.