Wish List: Interactive Help From Google’s Matt Cutts & MattPasses

I’ve been making up a Google wish list to update from my
earlier one
this year. Pandia just came out their
own wish list, as

did David Wallace more generally. And for whatever reason, it came to me. I
want an interactive Matt Cutts to provide Google webmaster assistance. Think
Ms Dewey meets Matt Cutts. Plus, I also
want MattPasses to be issued for fast support.

Picture it. You head over to
Google Webmaster Central with some type of listing issue. There’s a little
picture of Matt,
superstar of Google assistance. He’s got a little speech bubble coming out
of his mouth — or text near him — or maybe he actually speaks. "Hi. I’m Matt.
Got a listing problem? I’m here to help."

You click on Matt, and he pops open into a Ms Dewey-like window, with a query
box saying, "What’s Your Problem." You type something in, such as:

I’m not listed on Google

Matt comes back and says:

I see your concerned about not being on Google. Your concern is my concern.
Let me ask you some questions to help narrow down the problem.

Then you’d get some responses like:

1. I think I’m banned
2. I think you’re not crawling me properly
3. I know I did something against the guidelines. Help redeem me, Matt!
4. More options

And away it goes. You all know these types of systems. Normally they drive me
crazy, and typically I think they can easily be replaced by the type of
information you’ll already
find
in help files at Google Webmaster Central. But it would be fun to have a Matt
alternative. Everyone wants to talk to him, so he could virtually reach out to
the masses. Plus, it might actually be an easy way to integrate
videos from him and

others at Google at Google on topics of concern. He could offer to play some
video information on appropriate topics.

Now imagine that Matt can’t solve your problem. I want him to offer you fast
support. Call it a MattPass. I want him to say something like:

You’ve stumped me. We’re going to have to look more closely at your
problem. We have a standard support form you can use, but I’m giving you
something special. A MattPass. This will ensure that someone definitely
examines your problem and responds within 48 hours.

Actually, I want anyone to have MattPasses. Consider this. You sign up for
Google Webmaster Central. That entitles you to one or two MattPasses for fast
support on a problem in a given year per account or maybe per unique domain. You
can use standard support, which might get back to you promptly or not at all,
depending on various factors. But if it’s super urgent, super crucial, cash in a
MattPass that Google gave you for registering with them. It would be an easy way
to ensure everyone has a shot as fast support for those crucial problems but
also avoid the entire paid support stuff that Google doesn’t want to do.