How To Leave Your Yacht Out Of A TechCrunch Story

Having your yacht mentioned in a TechCrunch article can be alarming. Follow a few simple guidelines, and maybe you can avoid this.

on March 31, 2011 at 8:08 pm | Reading time: 1 minute
Opinion

Having your yacht mentioned in a TechCrunch article can be alarming. Follow a few simple guidelines, and maybe you can avoid this.

Instructions things you'll need: * Yacht * Guests * TechCrunch * Story 1. * 1 Avoid inviting people who will talk about being on your yacht. Do they tweet? Do they have friends? These are some warning signs. * 2 Invite TechCrunch writers. If they've been on your yacht, they may feel special and not write about it. * 3 Don't invite TechCrunch writers. Once they see your yacht, they'll probably feel they should write about it. It's a yacht, after all. * 4 Enable a cone of silence. If you don't have one, as they haven't been invented, tell visitors to your yacht that you're beta testing one from a new company called "Cone" that has received $40 million in investment. They might believe it and not talk about your yacht. * 5 Have two yachts. That way, if someone does talk about your yacht, there will be confusion about which one. * 6 Avoid actually owning the yacht. Surely you can establish a shell company that sails your yacht to exotic destinations like Moffett Filed for you? * 7 Sink the yacht, so there's no proof it exists. Incorporate the sinking into a magic act, if possible. * 8 Invite Arianna on your yacht. * 9 Invite Tim on your yacht. * 10 Offer to cut Mike's three year sentence to a year and a half. * 11 Threaten that the TechCrunch writer will suffer mysteriously if they write about your yacht. If they ask for details, merely say "Engadget" and nod in a knowing manner.

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